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« on: September 12, 2016, 02:46:22 am »
Thanks for the effort put into your reply.
I'm used to writing a lengthy thought out post to most other develepers and recieving disconcerning abrupt one liner responses haha.
I don't want to take up too much of your time. My mind is brimming with game ideas of all kinds which I have aquired through so many years of gaming. I truly believe if I had a few guys like you who could do the coding we could make a hit. I have used a game making scenerio editor in the past to create several 8 player games I released online which were widely praised and a rpg which I used various triggers and effects to break the boundaries of the editing tools ability.
but that's just a simple game design tool I have no knowledge about using text code or any coding at all actually pretty much nothing as far as that's concerned. but I created a very exciting puzzle rpg with strong elements of Feeling,Emotion, Storyline and tense moments of fear aswell as heartfelt moments in the dialogue.
Thats what I believe makes a game memorable.
I understand where you are coming from it took me 6 months to make an rpg with a game design editor that just allows you to seed a map and place things around and set triggers and effects etc etc with over 1000 animated models pre coded.
So I can imagine the effort doing it all in text.
Much of my ideas were intended to suggest future addition to this game rather than change it. When i say dialogue what is a good addition to a story is the use of narrative.
Although the ending I can see your point I feel you still could have it the way it is but I feel it just lacked in story or feeling. you don't need resources to add story.
The guys name is different than the fathers so it's not explained how he became known under a different name.
When I say descriptive feeling that's something narrative can give.
Descriptive narrative gives a feel to the situation. Also a deep story line provides much more content especially needed in a one man relatively short Game. it stetches it out and adds to its length. only writing is needed so it's relatively easy and a grear way to extend a games life. of course you add a skip dialogue option for those who dislike reading text. however I feel if they take their tI'm to read they would enjoy the game more. a 2 hour gameplay control can become many hours of memorable experience.
Example Only:
Upon embark:
"With the emblem held tightly grasped in my hand and with it all hope of ever finding my father, I made the journey through the woods".
Upon arrival:
"As I came upon the door of the house I felt as though I was at my last hope and if this turned out to be a waste of time I feared I would have to return to my home which now would feel empty and silent without my mother or father present it would be a place of residence rather than my home....with this in mind all my hopes rested on this tiny seemingly insignificant stone I held in my hand."
"Greetings, It's been long since we met."
I remember you last told me of I ever found a emblem or idol to bring it to you".
Well I found this one deep inside a place of evil protected by a demon!"
Surely it has some significanve? "
I was hoping you could she'd some light on How it could be related to my lost father's whereabouts"?
Upon handing stone:
"The old and weary man gazed upon the emblem I had handed him and a look of astonishment fell upon his face".
"Old man":
"This Stone....It's ....no..how can it be? I created this art! I recognize it clearly as my work however I can't recall doing so."
"Old man":
"I wonder How on earth this is possible?"
I really need to rest".
"Me":
"Sit down here please try to remember because it's very important I need to find my father and you are my only last hope"!
"His hands began to tremble as he held the relic. He looked up at me and for the first time I gazed into his familiar eyes and he into mine"!
"Old man":
"You....oh.....I....I'm....sorry....Please no.... just leave....here I don't know where your father could....be. "The man looks sad and wallowing in self pity".
"Me":
"I....I Can't....Believe it! ....I almost gave up hope...is that you Father?!!!
" A tear rolled down his cheek as the old and weary man who's face had endured the elements of time reached out his hand"
"Old man":
"My...my....Son! "He exclaimed with a chocking voice!
"Ohhh Dad!!!... "My heart pounded in joy! But suddenly concerned at his appearance, this withered old man standing before me, a mere shadowy figure of his former greatness that had always been my role model and inspiration".
"I pulled him in close to me, my arms around his shoulders, A feeling came over me that only the warm embrace of a parent can give"
"Me":
"What happened Dad? how could you end up here alone...."
"His eyes fell in shame as he stared down at his feet"
"Old man":
...."Please forgive me Dear Son....I...I...Just couldn't come back as a failed father....And ohh...God....What Have I done??!!!..My poor Wife....What has become of your mother?....I am not worthy...."
"Me":
"Father!...Dad...no...don't speak like that ....please" "sobs"..."You are all I have left in this world!...""Gasp"...
"Mother has long passed since...She Became ill and had all but given up hope" "I Told her everything would be ok as i couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth, That I would try to find you.!"
"Mothers last words were" Please Tell your father.... I forgive him!"...
"His Mother of course knew in her heart Her son would try to find his father despite the dangers".
"He lifted his head again his eyes peered into mine...."
"Old man":
"Oh my son!" He said as he looked me up and down...."What a fine young man you've become...and so brave to come all this way just to find me....Me! a worthless old mercenary withered away to nothing!"
"Feeling blessed to have my Father once again back in my life I unsheathed my sword and lay it on the table"
"Me":
"You'll always be my inspiration and You are never nothing to me! "...
"You are a man of honor a man of truth and a man of stubborn pride...!"
" You are....."Father"!
End:
Sorry....I guess losing my own father in real life I have more sentiment about it.
The way your story ended finding his father was shallow it felt like he just found an old pair of shoes...there was no feeling involved and no climax or emotional ending.
This was his Father he found he had risked his life he had lost his mother he was alone in the world...surely finding his father after all this considered it should have been a much more monumental moment?
Anyway thanks for the game I really enjoyed it. I understand you wanted it to be what you like. but a little emotion and feeling can go a long way.
Perhaps my example was pretty lame. I'm no expert in writing dialogue just wanted to give you some inspiration to maybe just consider writing a in depth meaningful story because I'm sure that it will be well recieved and make the game you worked so long on become memorable. because really 4 years of work shouldn't be let down by a Vague story line. it can make it come alive.
And when I said "unimaginative and not creative." I didnt mean the game itself lacked imagination. it's just that more could of been put in via dialogue and puzzles.
instead of the same old. Pull the switch on a wall opens a door elsewhere.
it could have had some doors with a diffrent means to open.
Example: A hidden crack in a wall with a key inside.
A code on the door where each number is found somewhere.
A way of shooting a switch inside the locked room with the bow through the window to open
You get the idea.
Again I understand the time constraints these are just future ideas.
I want to point out that the dungeons were referee to as "mines" However there's nothing inside that resembles a mine. no mining tools or cart or digging sites.
now I'm just being picky lol sorry.
Please don't feel you need to reply in great detail I don't intend to create a job in forum for you. just hope you will take some ideas on board and one day we will see some new exciting content.
By the way Why not look for some investors and create a team to work on future development? I'm sure they will see great potential and expertise in your works and be willing to go into partners with a funded dev team? just food for thought.